"Time Of Your Song"

Bonjour!  I've been thinking how to word this post... and the thoughts and words just aren't meshing right now, so I think I'll just write, and see what happens. 

It's been easy and most definitely fun "living in the moment" with the opportunities and adventures life has presented me in the past couple of months.  Before I decided to just let go of my inhibitions, I was pretty unhappy.  It seemed like all of my roles were falling apart.  Being a good student, friend, daughter, Christian...  I was ready to finish the school year, and pack my things to head West to the one place I love, Colorado.  Luckily, more people believed in me than I thought, and I was encouraged to put the previous semester behind me and start fresh.  So I did.  Little did I know... I could actually be happy here.  Honestly, these past couple months have been unbelievably good to me.  I am so happy... and in the midst of this new outlook on life, I took the boundaries I had around my heart, and the love it gave out and let in away.  I just became completely open.  

... so, along came a boy.  A boy that knew exactly how I felt.  Long story short, we decided to not think, and just do.  No commitment, no relationship, just someone to be close to when we got lonely.  I bet you can guess how that one ended... But ya know, we knew it was going to end, and someone was going to get hurt... which happened, but we were willing to take the risk anyway.   Sometimes, we think we can control our emotions entirely, and it's just a joke to think like that.  We got lucky.  No regrets, nothing done differently if we could do it all over again, and now we have more than a strong friendship.  This might not be the case next time.  

This time a year ago, I was a completely different person... and I wouldn't go back to that person now to save my life.  Don't get me wrong, I was happy being that person then... but people change, and they grow.  I changed, and maybe now it's time for me to start growing.  Growing into something better.  Is balance starting to creep up on me??  RUN!

So, as I'm just letting this post write itself, my words are teaching me something.  I am great, and I'm meant to do great things.  I've been just riding life's coattail, which is okay.. because I have learned possibly the most important thing in the process.  I've learned to keep my heart open.  To love every single day, to be open to new people... and love them.  It scares me to think about moving from the spot I'm in right now... because I'm so full of joy, and I don't want to screw that up.  But I don't even think I'm doing anything.  I am just living, and life is moving me... which is what I wanted in the first place right?

"Keep my feet on the ground, and my head in the clouds.  I'm the arrow, you're my bow, shoot me forth and I will go". - Matisyahu