Real Life Fairy Tales

I know it's been too long, my loyal readers... but I'm back.  Again. :)

I've been doing far too much thinking, but I guess that's what happens when you're a young, naive, gypsy looking for answers in this unfair, yet magnificent world.  I've been meaning to post about my recent trip to Chicago, and upload apartment pictures... but this is far more important right now.

I walk around the same grounds every day, blasting music to suit my mood into my head.  I like to think I dance to my own beat.  I kid myself into believing I have a grip on reality.  But what the hell is reality anyway?  I know I don't usually talk about politics (i.e. religion) on here... but who I am kidding?.. I have a big mouth, and something to say, so listen up.  I see people on a daily basis dedicate their lives to something unreal. (side note:  reality- "a real event, entity, or state of affairs")  More people live their lives as a fairy tale.  I mean, are we not programed as children to believe fairy tales actually exist?  Of course we are.  Who doesn't know the story of Cinderella?  But what's so unreal about Cinderella?  Summary:  born into an unfair world full of trials and tribulations, something incredible happens, glimpse at happiness, happiness taken away, move on, let happiness find you.  Of course there is the whole "and they/he/she lived happily ever after"... but we're talking about Disney movies here, so that's inevitable.  Which brings me back to religion.  

Since being involved in Campus Crusade for Christ (yes, I'm calling you out on your gargantuan faults, sue me), I have learned to run from religion.  And when I'm not running... I'm laughing.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mock faith, just religion.  Because if "religion" means claiming some kind of universal belief system to staple to your heart... I want nothing to do with it.  I feel like some people use this flimsy piece of stapled paper to shield their hearts from what's real.  It catches the crap, then brushes it off.  

Well... I decided to take that shitty piece of paper off, and suddenly something happened.  My heart opened up, eyes became unshielded, mouth unguarded, mind enlightened.  I have struggled with my faith more in the last year than in my whole life.  But at least I question.  At least I don't live in a fantasy just because it's "comfortable".  

After reading this... you may be wondering how my "walk with the Lord" is.  After never knowing what to say to that, I have my answer (probably not my last, but an answer nonetheless).

I believe in something greater than me.  I believe I was put on this earth with a purpose to find, and one hell of a journey leading me there.  I believe in questioning.  But I also believe in the words of Donald Miller:  "The very scary thing about religion, to me, is that people actually believe God is who they think He is..., it makes me wonder if God created us in His image or if we created Him in ours."

I don't, and won't let a "religion" define my faith.  I won't live by a rule book.  I won't discriminate against those who believe differently than I.  I will never have an answer that sums up all of my questions.  

I read once that, "If you're constantly growing, you will always be out of your comfort zone."  It saddens me to see so many people, young and old, to fall under the illusion that being comfortable is better than growing.

My faith isn't anywhere near where I'd like to be.  Now before you ask, no, I don't know where it is supposed to be... but that's why I won't stop questioning.  These are my thoughts.  I'm not saying I'm right (if God and I have a heart to heart soon... I'll be sure to post his answers), but I'm pretty sure if He didn't want us to grow, he'd have programed us with all the right answers by now.  And before you tell me that he did give us the answers.. in the Bible, tradition of the Church, etc. I've already been there... and I don't back track.  

I'll leave you with this:  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin

... unshield your eyes...