The Black Sheep

There is something to be said for the "black sheep" in every herd.  I decided to get some background behind this common English idiom... and it got me thinking...

Let me start here:  Anyone who spends more than five minutes with me knows that I am in love with the world... and all the wonder it holds.  I love throwing my inhibitions to the wind... and letting some supernatural whim take me by the hand and lead me and my curiosities to new journeys and answers.  Some would call that irresponsible, childish.  I'm not sure when being curious about the world we live in... and exploring it without planning my "future" caught such a bad rep...

I've lived in the same place for nineteen years.  Sue me for wanting to say goodbye.  Better yet... let's just bitch at me every time I bring up a new plan, or dream.  Yeah, that sounds reasonable. Oh wait!... what about the good 'ole "You won't realize how much you love it until you move... you'll just come running back some day.  They always do."  What I want to know is... who the hell are they??... oh yeah, the whitey's (sheep that is).

So...

I was reading that the term "black sheep" is used to describe a certain member of a group (specifically a family member according to the Serbians and Polish), that holds the label of being odd, disreputable, different.  You see... no shepherd wants a black sheep... because the wool has no value.  It can't be dyed.  

But did anyone ever think... that maybe that's the beauty of the black sheep.  Yes, she is different... for she's most often the minority.  She doesn't follow the rest of the herd... so she's automatically singled out for being odd, maybe even stubborn... I mean, she won't even let herself be dyed.  She will forever be black... She will forever be her. 

I've learned to appreciate where I come from.  I've even learned to love the place I will forever call home.  But I am, and always will be the black sheep.  I am different.  I am odd.  I am even stubborn... I will leave this place to explore something new.  I won't plan every day of my future.  I will run without a destination.  I will dream my dreams and no one else's.

I will not be dyed.

fresh.

yo, yo, yo.  It's been a while.. but summer vaca is coming to a close... and this is definitely a summer worth remembering.  I told myself coming into this summer, that I would not go back to anything I'd ever done before.  I wouldn't go back to working at the deli.  I wouldn't move back home.  I wouldn't spend another precious moment of my time in a place I can't stand.  

But then... I did.

Something happened... life.  You know... that thing that happens when you're planning something else.  I came home feeling defeated... then woke up a little, and started to appreciate what I do have.  Now... about six weeks later... I'm living at home, and working at the damn deli.  HA ironic?...

I love it.  I love my job (which it hardly is).  I hang out with fun people all day and eat. :)  I get to relax with my family... and swim with the fish on weekends.  I'm beginning to realize that I put more energy into hating where I'm from than just enjoying the ride.  I pride myself on becoming more and more open to the world... and all the people in it, yet my eyes seem to be eternally closed when it comes to the place where it all started- where I started. 

So, I guess this summer has re-taught me the basics.  That I am loved, and blessed to the core.  And that I can be cruising down the road to perfection with a smile on my face... but eventually, I'm gonna hit that wall, fall for a minute, then shake it off and stagger off to a new path.

... and once I end up exactly where I'm supposed to be, I'm going to look back on this summer and laugh. hard. :)